September

September

It was not September, but August.  We were in Maine for the celebration of my parents’ fiftieth wedding anniversary, which is not August, but September, September 7.  September is the month of my father’s birthday, September 28, but that September, he would not have a birthday.  Nor would some three thousand other folk have another birthday, because of one particular day in that September, September 11.

But it was August, not September, and we knew nothing of planes flying into buildings, and my father was still with me, with me, just me, just the two of us, sharing one more climb up Blue Hill, my father at almost seventy-nine, almost because it was still August, not September, still fit, ascending the steep ramps of the Osgood Trail at his own pace, slow, but steady and sure.  We talked as we climbed, deep talk, deeply personal talk, meaningful talk, the kind of talk you can only have with a father who is frank and wise and compassionate.  We took a photo on the open ledges at the summit, my father and me atop the mountain for which the town is named, his home in retirement then, a retirement delayed much too long and doomed much too short, and my home in retirement now, a retirement I live not only for me but for him, too, for the retirement he did not have.

It was August, not September, not the month my sister wanted to hold the anniversary party because it was after all my parents’ actual wedding month, but I objected because I could not come in September, because I was much too busy in September with my work, and if we had planned the celebration for September, as my sister wanted, my father would not have been there.

But it was August, not September, and my father was there and my mother was there and my sister was there and my brother was there and I was there, and dozens of my father and mother’s dearest friends were there, gathered from all around the country into an upper room at the Jordan Pond House, eating and laughing and making our tributes to a man and a woman whose shared life had an immeasurable impact on ours. 

It was a most wonderful August evening, not September but August, a most wonderful and unforgettable August evening, my father’s face luminescent, reflecting the warmth of the words that filled the room and his heart, glowing with the joy of a life lived with his one bride, their love hard-earned but now surer and more intimate than ever, radiating the knowledge of a grace deeper than words, that gave him his life and made it what it was and freed him to give the same to us.  It was August, not September, because when September came, he was already gone.

On a painting by Picasso

On a painting by Picasso

Les deux saltimbanques

sisters
as are wont
more different than alike

the elder
drawn and angular
hooked nose, bent fingers, spiked chin, flattened eyes
straight hair tautly pulled back from her face
sharp-cornered elbows echoed in the sharp corners of her somber-hued sweater
perturbed, inquiet, brooding, unpresent

the younger
all curves
round eyes, curved chin, curled fingers, arched brows
untamed swirls of softly-curled hair spilling over her forehead
warmly-bright lips reflected in the oranges and reds of her warmly-bright sweater
languid, dreamy, receptive, guileless

sisters
as are wont
brought close by fashion, but of different worlds
moon and sun, Chione and Persephone, Martha and Mary
one burdened by what she has seen, the other keen for what she has yet to see
one already dying, the other pregnant with possibility

sisters
in this moment caught together
but in the next and always and forever
apart

 

(N.B.  Since writing the poem this morning, I have discovered that the two depicted in the portrait are indeed a man and a woman, “Harlequin and his companion,” though I still see sisters!)

Toby’s last hike

Toby’s last hike

I climbed Blue Hill today, to remember and honor our most beloved Toby, the very best of hiking companions. It is a fitting memorial.

Toby's collar, leash, baby, and backpack on the Blue Hill summit
Toby’s collar, leash, baby, and backpack on the Blue Hill summit

We had Toby put down this morning, not wanting to prolong any longer his suffering or ours. Toby, you are forever in our hearts!

Toby on Blue Hill
Toby on Blue Hill
the horror

the horror

the horror is mothers contemplating adoption because they cannot feed their children
the horror is food rotting in the fields because it is too dangerous to bring it to market
the horror is a nurse watching her daughter be snatched by thugs along with her
the horror is aid workers and food vendors being kidnapped and raped
the horror is Haiti’s first president being ousted
the horror is Haiti’s forty-third president being assassinated
the horror is stinking piles of rubbish in the streets
the horror is children playing in open sewers
the horror is a teenager brandishing an AK-47
the horror is a gaunt young boy clad only in a pair of ripped shorts put on backwards
the horror is the interminable misery of a beautiful people
the horror is the insufferable ravaging of a beautiful country
the horror is the unconscionable neglect of a heedless world
the horror is almost no one cares

grateful

grateful

long damp grass grabs at the edges of my sandals
wetting the tops of my feet between leather straps with clammy coolness
        and I am grateful
hobbled obliging dog lurches over the lawn doing his jobs
dragging a sock-booted paw behind him
        and I am grateful
gangly Big Dolly flaunts its luxuriously swooping yellow and coral blossoms
drawing attention from the barren deer-bitten lilies surrounding it
        and I am grateful
dingy spent blossoms still glom to the severed laurel dangling from my hand
recalling the brilliant candy cane display that just days before had brought such delight
        and I am grateful
viscous mist rolls up from the Reach clinging to stark spruces and greyed blueberry barrens
belying persistent memories of sun-drenched and dazzling Maine summers
        and I am grateful

3 o’clock

3 o’clock

among scattered clouds orange sun looms
        still high in the southwestern sky
its orange light bathing orange sandstone boulders
        jumbled in shallow emerald waters

from high above we first spy the pond
        this jewel among the mountain peaks
an beatific island floats at it center
        and dark green spruce crowd its banks

following sea blue blazes and stacked stone cairns
        we descend the grey granite ridge
tired legs and tired lungs
        still recovering from the grueling climb

at the shores of the alpine pond
        we gaze over its glistening waters
delighted by the flittering schools of chub at our feet
        and promising splashes farther out

after shedding our day packs
        we zip off the bottoms of convertible hiking pants
and replace hiking boots with water shoes
        eager for a fishing adventure

we piece together fly rods
        and rig lines and reels
doing our best to ignore the swarming black flies
        as we assemble leaders and tippets

I tie on a hare’s ear wet fly
        with soft partridge hackle
wading out over slippery rocks
        to a stable spot from which to cast

the next two hours will see many casts
        a few overeager chub brought to hand
and six magnificent, extraordinarily beautiful, elegantly exquisite — did I say, magnificent?
        Tumbledown Pond brook trout

The Gift

The Gift

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.  The gift.  The gift lovingly and impishly prepared for me by my loving and impish wife for my birthday nine years ago.    The best of gifts and the worst of gifts.

She presented me a 24×36 inch piece of light blue poster board adorned with two flaps, two six-inch squares of purple construction paper folded at the top and taped to cover whatever it was that lay on the poster board beneath.  The flaps were labeled “Door #1”and “Door #2..”  It was just like “Let’s Make a Deal.”

“You may choose one,” she said, “Door #1 or Door #2.  Open the door and what you see will be your birthday gift.  But you can only choose one door, you will only get one one gift, one and not the other.”

“Door #1, Door #1,” my grandsons, Jack and Sam, urged.  “Door #1.”  What door should I choose?  What thoughtful and wonderful gift might be revealed (because my wife’s gifts are always wonderful and thoughtful)?  But what of the door I do not choose?  What precious gift would I forfeit … forever?  Door #1 or Door #2?  As with all the very important decisions I am obliged to make, I stalled at the brink, not wanting to make the wrong choice.  Finally, I went with my grandsons.  Door #1 it is.

I lifted the flap and there it was, a most thoughtful and wonderful gift indeed.  There, beneath the paper door, glued to the poster board, was a photograph of a Caribou, a Current Designs Caribou, the kayak of my dreams, a Greenland-style sea kayak, quick and responsive and gorgeous.  I had paddled a Caribou in the Union River estuary in Ellsworth one weekday evening the summer before when Cadillac Mountain Sports was hosting a boat tryout.  I fell in love with the boat immediately and knew I wanted one … someday.  But someday had come!  I was really going to have a Caribbean-blue Caribou of my very own!

“Open the other door,” my wife said.  “See what you could have had if you had chosen the other door,” my loving and wicked wife said.  I lifted the flap of Door #2 and a lump grew in my throat and tears filled my eyes as the image beneath was revealed: the photograph of an Australian Shepherd puppy.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.

That summer on our return to Maine, I picked up my Caribbean-blue Caribou at the Cadillac Mountain Sports store in Ellsworth and have paddled miles of ocean in it with great delight ever since.  But no puppy.

Until that next fall, when we drove to Hazelton, Iowa, and as I knelt on the floor of the garage at the home of Cloverfields Aussies to greet the litter of ten-week old pups, the blue merle male who would soon bear the name Toby ran to me and jumped up to eagerly lick my face.  Because my wife is most certainly the giver of thoughtful and wonderful gifts.

Duck Harbor Sunset

Duck Harbor Sunset

Duck Harbor sunset

duck harbor sunset
(an acrostic poem)

black silhouette of mast and forestays pierce
cotton candy clouds edged in waning light
dark limbs of jagged spruce and duck harbor’s looming headland
extrude from the periphery of the photograph
framing the numinous scene ever seared into memory
gracious moment intimating an inexpressible
holiness for which neither word nor image suffice
ineffable, transcendent, and sublime