Heirloom

Heirloom

I had no inheritance from my parents. Any remaining monies were exhausted in my mother’s end of life care. And few of their tangible belongings have been passed to me. I have my mother’s violin and her dining room set, a Celtic cross that my father hung around his neck. And nothing, nothing at all, save a few Bible commentaries bearing my grandfather’s name, from grandparents on either side.

Not even stories, stories of ancestors remembered and passed along generation to generation. The only grandparents I knew were my mother’s parents and they lived three thousand miles distant on the opposite coast. Our nuclear family lived isolated, far both physically and emotionally from any extended family and my parents told few, if any, stories, of childhood, of their parents or grandparents, of characters in the family tree, noble or ignoble.

My heirloom, the one single entity of precious value my parents purposefully passed to me was their faith, the faith that had shaped and directed my mother’s consciousness from the very beginning of her life, the faith that had captivated and delighted my father of a sudden when he came upon it or it came upon him as a college student in Michigan.

It was a faith, not of rote or custom or habit, not driven by compulsion or fear of celestial consequences, not a means of attaching themselves to a desired social cohort, but a thing deeply personal, palpably passionate, curious and creative and explorative and resilient. It was not a piece of their life together, but its centerpiece, the first principle, the driving motivation, the guiding star in every decision they made, in every project they undertook.

It was this faith, this kind of faith — generous and humble, earnest and accepting — that they passed to me. But, of course, faith, genuine faith, is such a thing that cannot be passed. It cannot be possessed secondhand. I did live their faith for a while, as a child and even into young adulthood, eager to please them, eager to do right and be right.

But one day, not in a single moment, but in an accumulation of moments, existential crises and intellectual discoveries, seeing new things, feeling new things, sensing for myself the real meaning of the Jesus among us, the Jesus with me, that faith became mine, no more my parent’s faith, but mine, the centerpiece of my life.

My heirloom is not really something my parents could give me, but only something they could point to, hoping and praying, that for the sake of my their joy, for the sake of my own joy, for the sake of joy itself, I would be able to find my way there.

And gladness of heart

And gladness of heart

And gladness of heart …

I was sixteen years old, a high school sophomore and a trumpet player, selected for the Massachusetts All-State Band. The festival and concert that year were held in Plymouth. My girlfriend at the time was a junior, singing alto in the All-State Chorus.

I have only vague memories of the pieces our band played that weekend and no memories at all of our conductor. But my memories of each composition sung by the chorus and of their exuberant and charismatic director are vivid and enduring.

Every time the band took a rehearsal break, I would run to the room where the chorus was practicing to watch and to listen, not because my girlfriend was there, at least not entirely, but because of the guest choral conductor and because of the music.

The conductor was Vito Mason. I remember him as tall, with dark hair and a commanding physical presence. He would lead the choir through a series of remarkable vocal exercises, not singing, but vocalizing nonsense syllables and sounds, teaching them to follow closely, so closely, the nuances of his gestures, responding to his direction with changes in volume, intensity, timbre, mood. He had them, and me too, literally at his fingertips.

And the music they sang, yes, every piece, enthralled me, but one song, one song in particular, became indelibly imprinted on my soul. He prepped them for the opening of the piece. He would give them only the smallest of hand signals, not giving listeners any foreshadowing of what was to come, and they would suddenly shatter the silence with their bold declamation …

Have ye not known?
Have ye not heard?
Hath it not been told you from the beginning?
Have ye not understood from the foundations of the earth?

Oh, my! Even now as I write these words, the profundity and power of Randall Thompson’s perfect setting of the Isaiah text— yes, I will say perfect! — rings in my ears and overwhelming emotion wells up within me. From the beginning, from the first unison notes, this song takes hold of me, body and spirit, and will not let me go.

But that is only the beginning. The song performed by the All-State Chorus to close the Plymouth program is actually two songs, the final two sections of a larger work by Thompson entitled, The Peaceable Kingdom. After the short and thunderous opening, “Have ye not known,” comes the longer melodic and hypnotic, “Ye shall have a song,” featuring eight parts, a double choir …

Ye shall have song,
as in the night when a holy solemnity is kept;
And gladness of heart
As when one goeth with a pipe
To come into the mountain of the Lord.

The text is simple, unassuming, almost innocuous, but — oh — the music! Building, ever slowly, but ever surely, soaring, dancing, exulting. I had never in my life known or heard the piece before, but once hearing it my life was forever changed. Then and now, every time I hear the antiphonal phrases, one of the double choirs answering the other, “and gladness of heart, and gladness of heart, and gladness of heart, and gladness of heart” involuntary shivers run over my body and my heart and mind are consumed by the music, made one with the music. In that moment, there is no music and no me, just the being, being in that place of exquisite and incomparable joy.

I have a recording of that piece, of that concert, of that sublime performance by eighty high school students led by a man they had only known two days that left an audience of parents and friends and music educators, and me, in awe. I listen to that recording still, and every time I do, it is not that I am taken back there again, but I am taken again, in a new moment, to a place I have come to know and to love, a place of pure delight.

Ji

Ji

still
implausibly, exquisitely
still

en pointe
a vivified Michelangelo
poised, erect
ineffably elegant and
still

en pointe
a golden vision
descending the stair
gliding, floating
utterly entrancing
ever advancing but
still

en pointe
alongside her prince
commanding the stage
as time and space stand
still

still
wondrously, breathtakingly
still

March

March

Month most maligned
Caught between seasons
Neither winter nor spring
Lacking the best of either
Displaying the worst of both

Or perhaps that is its glory
Being not one thing or the other
But itself, juncture of memory and promise
Consecrating cherished experience
Anticipating unfolding beauties

Being seventy is like March
Caught between seasons
Neither young nor old
Expecting to do what body refuses
Resisting the repose from which mind recoils

Or perhaps that is its glory
Being not one thing or the other
But itself, juncture of memory and promise
Consecrating cherished experience
Anticipating unfolding beauties

The Advent of a Legend

The Advent of a Legend

When the ball left the right foot of Karen Irasema Luna de los Santos, little did she know. Little did any of us know.

She had collected the ball deep in her own end, her El Tri teammates having dispossessed the American attack. She took a few quick touches and then launched an improbable pass far upfield and across the pitch to the feet of Mayra Pelayo-Bernal streaking up the left wing.

It was unthinkable. It was uncanny. It was brilliant. With her thirty-fifth-ranked side clinging to a precarious one goal lead early in extra time against the second-ranked and perennial superpower United States Women’s National Team, she would be expected simply to clear the ball, to be content with getting it out of her own end, getting it out of trouble, giving her teammates a moment’s pause to collect themselves and regroup.

But she did not merely clear the ball. She sent the soaring, implausible, astonishing pass across the field to Pelayo. She left the match commentators scrambling for words. Did she or didn’t she? Did she mean to make that pass or was it just a case of a rushed clearance that happened to find a teammate?

Her entire game up to that point had been brilliant — marking and denying, finding space, applying pressure. There can be no reason to believe that remarkable pass was anything but what she intended. But little did she know. Little did any of us know what Pelayo would do next.

Tracked down the bouncing ball. Five deft touches with the right foot running at her defender. Two quick stepovers, a slight tap of the ball to create space and then …

When the ball left the right foot of Mayra Alejandra Pelayo-Bernal she knew. We all knew. It was beautiful. It was audacious. It was glorious. It held in its flight all the effort and emotion her El Tri sisters had poured out of themselves for ninety-plus minutes, all the pent up hopes of a Mexican side denied by their neighbor to the north in sixteen straight matches, all the exquisite joy of a moment in time never to be forgotten.

The ball left the right foot of Mayra Alejandra Pelayo-Bernal and flew hard and straight and true, leaving the leaping goalkeeper no chance, landing in the upper right corner of the back of the net, and, in that instant, birthing a legend.

A Fly Agaric’s Terrifying Tale

A Fly Agaric’s Terrifying Tale

Fly Agaric
Fly Agaric

The name is Stool, Toad Stool, but you can call me Toad. My tale is one of mortal danger, of dire straits and terrifying peril, so if you have any little ones with you, you may want to send them outside to play.

It began on a dreich September morning, but you must know a dreich September morning in Glenbrittle is nothing unusual. The orb of the rusty sun rising over Sgùrr nan Gillean was streaked with clouds, jagged swaths of gunmetal grey, the dull and gloomy light barely illumining the grey-shouldered banks of the Allt Coir’ a’ Mhadaidh. Grey stone, grey mud, grey soil, grey clouds — much of my world is grey  — but that’s why I matter, my ruby red cap unrivaled in this landscape, even standing out among the viridescent green of fern, the azure blue of harebell, the cotton candy pink of bell heather. I am a rare treasure in this glen. You must look very hard to find me, hidden as I am in a narrow crevice cleaving the face of the grey granite lip overhanging one of the coruscating emerald plunge pools they call the Fairy Pools. From the restricted vantage of my little crack, I have never glimpsed one of those elusive sprites myself, but I do not doubt that I have myself been mistaken sometimes for a fairy.

The air on that September morning hung heavy and brooding, still but unquiet, foreboding some unwelcome turn. The cascade at the head of my pool seemed to splosh, not splash, the sound of its crashing waters muffled by the leaden sky. And then, in a moment, it blew a hoolie. A furious wind surged down the glen, whipping the surface of the stream into a frenzy. The jagged clouds of gunmetal grey blew out before the roiling advance of immense thunderheads bearing rain, not gentle, plopping rain, but driving, biting rain, pockmarking the surface of the pool and stinging my leathery skin. The erstwhile quiet sky roared and the stream below me boiled with sudden urgency.

Harebells
Harebells

I do not know how long it rained. It may have been hours, it may have been days. The rain came down in relentless torrents, obliterating awareness of anything but itself. We have a saying here that if you don’t like the weather, give it an hour, and I must say we have come by that adage honestly. Is it warm and sunny? Just wait. In an hour, you’ll need that parka. Is it stormy and wet? Just wait. In an hour, you’ll shed that raincoat.

But not that day. That day, the rain was never-ending. It saturated time and space. It submerged memory and desire. I struggled to remember what my world was like before, and I could not begin to conceive of any world after.

The unabating rain deluged the Black Cuillins, flooding the numerous burns and streams that rush down its flanks. Carving its twisting path through Glen Brittle, the Allt Coir’ a’ Mhadaidh is fed by a dozen such tributaries. Near my perch, the burn is less than two kilometers from its confluence with the River Brittle and here achieves its maximum volume. The rains came down and the stream rose up. Minute by minute it rose, the turgid pool below me reaching levels I had never seen before. Its turbid waters swirled and foamed, now inundating the gravel bars at the edges of the pool, now inexorably creeping up the rocky scarp into which my crevice is carved, now surging into the crack itself, now churning around the base of my stem, now sloshing about my gills, now overlapping the edges of my precious cap.

And then … I can’t tell you what happened then. I could see nothing. I could hear nothing. I could feel nothing. I became nothing. All my world was dark. All my world was void. All my world was gone.

Marsh Marigolds
Marsh Marigolds

Until it wasn’t. I share my crevice home with some orange hawkweed, some marsh marigolds, and a generous sprinkling of meadow-grass. It was the meadow-grass that saved us. It was the meadow-grass that saved me. Its sprawling system of creeping rhizomes clung to the rock and anchored the soil into which my own mycelium were rooted. We emerged, the hawkweed and marigolds and me, well-watered, but in place, watching the once more familiar and no longer threatening waters of the Allt Coir’ a Mhadaidh recede.

I will never forget that day when, for a time, my fairy pool became an ogre’s torrent, and I cherish each day, dreich or sweltering, that I sit here in my cleft on the face of the grey granite lip overlooking the shimmering turquoise pool below me. I still have not seen a fairy, though I sometimes wonder, if fairies do indeed exist if they go about in the guise of meadow-grasses.

The Ballad of Tobias Bartlett

The Ballad of Tobias Bartlett

Tobias Bartlett was his name
A name he proudly bore
Our household never was the same
After he came through the door.

A leaper he and so much more
He flew with astounding grace
So nimbly springing from bedroom floor
To eagerly lick my face.

He was my partner on many a hike
From Acadia to Downeast
There wasn’t a trail he didn’t like
His energy never ceased.

A Wildcat traverse was not the least
Of all the mountains climbed
Its rugged steeps his joy released
His ardor so sublime.

One time I lost him on Blue Hill
The ledges were too near
Toby “Come” I called and again but still
No Toby did appear.

I descended without him filled with fear
My heart within me pounded
My hope for finding my dog so drear
When down the trail he bounded.

We went away for about a week
Left Toby with a friend
And when we returned one leg was weak
His paw it wouldn’t mend

His plight I could not apprehend
Why suddenly so lame
But brave and sweet until the end
My Toby just the same.

Tobias Bartlett was his name
A name he proudly bore
Our household never was the same
After he came through the door.

Toby